Hillary Clinton, ex Secretary of State and current candidate for the presidency was arrested in her advisor’s bedroom late Monday evening for failure to appear for an ongoing Congressional investigation. According to unsubstantiated rumors and local gossip, charges had been filed .for contributing to the delinquency of an Arab and various other crimes against humanity.
The subpoena to appear in front of the Congressional Committee For Depraved and Unnatural Acts was issued several months ago and originally included her husband, the first black president, ‘Slick’ Willy Clinton. After several golf dates with the current occupant of the half-White House the Congressional summons was narrowed to just Hillary when ‘Slick’ Willy agreed to foot the dry cleaning tab to get some rather dubious stains removed from the president’s golf knickers.
The arresting officers, two of Washington D.C.’s finest up-and-coming animal control technicians, were unavailable for comment, but were overheard exclaiming about the well-used variety of ‘personal gratification devices’ and ‘positive reinforcement’ implements found in the uptown apartment. Four of said devices required professional assistance by the local fire department’s ‘Jaws of Life’ to extricate Clinton and her ‘associate’ from for their trip downtown.
Screaming obscenities and clutching a heavily rug burned backside, Clinton was allowed to dress before being handcuffed which surprisingly brought a smile and several involuntary shudders to her well-wrinkled and bite covered torso. The local media and several nondescript men in tailored black suits held an impromptu press conference that ended with the media people wandering away aimlessly while the locals were treated to beer and skittles at a neighborhood pub.
Her husband, ‘Slick Willy’ Clinton was also unavailable for comment, but rumored to be vacationing at a friend’s fitness club on what he termed as ‘Fantasy Island.’