2016 Presidential Election Exit Poll

TRUMP VS CLINTON Another totally unscientific, but unimportant poll.

Today the State if Indiana had it’s version of ‘who will the two Parties allow us to vote for’ as the eventual leader of the Free World.  Sounds heavy, eh?   The anointed ‘winners’ were Bernie, aka “Che”, Sanders and Donald, my wife is prettier than yours, Trump.  Soon after the announcement by someone who probably had nothing to do with it, that Trump was projected as a clear leader with double digits on the next contender, your intrepid journalists conducted a poll as people milled aimlessly outside of the closed polling place.

trump and sanders

Before we could really tackle the tough issues of the day something much more important came up,,,Happy Hour at the Tub O’ Suds!  By the time we finished researching flavors, waitresses, comparative pricing, waitresses, gourmet snacks and you guessed it, more waitresses some rather important developments occurred.  Firstly, Bernie aka Che Sanders was projected winner of the Democrat Party, normally an indication that delegates to the Electoral Frenzy are won also, but not when Clinton is involved.  Though he beat her by 5 points (projected) she still got most of the delegates and two of Bernie’s children, to boot.  New rules of the Democrat Party or something.

Bernie was too busy dancing his way into all the evening TV watchers’ hearts on Ellen to comment.  What a hunk!

Another dramatic event also took place after the winners were projected,,,one of the candidates, a Canadian tough guy, Ted, Look me in the eye and say that, Cruz decided that he would graciously bow out of the race.  That is after he called Trump some nasty names that were somewhat less than endearing and he mistakenly embraced his pick for VP instead of his waiting wife.  He demonstrated his  more-than-friendly knowledge of Carly’s black lace girdle and hose while practicing for his CPR class later.

cruz hugs carly

Boys will be boys

If Looks Could Kill, his wife, Heidi was present and presumably less-than-pleased when the two wannabe regime changers were lost huffing and spitting, rolling around under a table of light snacks and warm beer.  The intrepid journalists who are always on the pulse of the nation immediately grabbed the beer to avoid any ‘spillage’, and contamination of such a cheap, but plentiful product.  Loudly proclaiming their selfless service to America by ‘reducing the deficit and redistributing the wealth’ of the defunct campaign the journalists grabbed Mrs. Cruz  and disappeared for more ‘research.’

Trump was heard to comment later, “Not very presidential of him.”  Which pretty much summed up the substance of Cruz’s campaign.

The exit poll was somewhat rushed because of the local statute against urination in public. This forced the intrepid journalists to become ‘fleet of feet’ and begin the poll inside the reputable Tub O’ Suds for ‘optical’ reasons. Never the less, there were some results from their less than scientific survey.

  • 7 in 10 of those polled did not want the same old, same old candidate, no establishment puppets.
  • 6 in 10 poll respondents wanted someone ‘who could tell it like it is.’
  • more than 5 in 10 of those polled were in favor of deporting illegal aliens
  • 7 in 10 GOP voters were worried about the economy while 3 in 10 Democrat voters were
  • The Democrats showed ’em though when it came to Global Warming. 6 in 10 Democrats considered it the most important issue.
  • No GOP voters were found that cared to respond about the ‘importance ‘ of Global Warming
  • Likability of the candidates was very even until the Democrats were told no one was writing down the numbers.
  • With no sense of possible retribution from the Party, Democrats were 7 in 10 in favor of Sanders and 2 in 10 for Trump
  • 7 in 10 of all those who were polled were more in favor of Trump than Clinton.
  • 6 in 10 responding women were in favor of Trump.
  • Over 85% of legal Hispanic immigrants or first generation Hispanics favored Trump
  • The only demographics that Trump didn’t win by overwhelming majorities were ;
  • Millennials; 7 in 10 in favor of Sanders
  • The elderly; 8 in 10 for Clinton

That’s quite a bundle of close-to-useless facts there, folks.  We wanted to give everyone a chance to express their opinion so we created another poll for you all.  A real ‘sizzler!’  What do you think of the two presumptive nominees?



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