A tragic accident occurred Friday claiming the life of Rosie O’donnell in an undisclosed city in Canada. O’donnell, who was fleeing the US because of the election of Donald Trump as president was traveling with at least two other celebrities in a an old C-130 cargo plane. While complete details of their flight won’t be available until the investigation is complete it is known that the flight plan did not call for any emergency exits or parachute jumping from the plane. The use of the massive cargo plane for a routine flight to our neighbor, Canada, was called into question but dismissed when authorities were reminded of the physical attributes of Ms. O’donnell. Apparently her heroic dimensions and remarkable weight wouldn’t allow her to patronize normal airlines.
Without any details of the incidents leading up to O’donnell’s premature departure of the aircraft we can only guess what took place. Our intrepid news team were told by unnamed sources that there had been a disagreement aboard the plane that led to a scuffle. There were witnesses on the ground preflight, that told of ‘a loud and obnoxious behemoth of a woman, an ugly American in every sense of the term, who was whining, cursing and being a general nuisance while getting tickets and boarding passes.’ Another witness noticed that the overly large woman, ‘would not stop crying and cursing, using every foul word imaginable.’
It is the opinion of this reporter that the disagreements, foul language and the just generally nasty character of O’donnell led the flight crew and quite possibly passengers to open an emergency hatch while maneuvering the rank O’donnell into position to ‘accidentally’ trip and fall in a very poor imitation of a swan dive to the ground thousands of feet below. Unfortunately, the cargo plane was not over uninhabited territory and O’donnell’s impact did several thousamds of dollars damage to residences and businesses. Collateral damage to the population was severe and can only be estimated at this point, but over 20 deaths and 145 serious injuries have been attributed to O’donnell’s accident so far.
The Canadian government is looking into this latest act of ‘celebrity terrorism’ that has been increasing since the US presidential election. Celebrities and other useless left wing ne’r-do-wells have been flooding the border in hopes of finding sanctuary from having to be responsible and work for a living in America. Canada has not yet closed the borders, but it can only be a matter of time.